Seagulls

Is there anything grosser than a sea gull?

Thanks to movies we associate sea gulls with a sign of hope for stranded seafarers (Land ho!) or the backdrop to a romantic walk on the beach. (With the one exception of Hitchcock, he was a little closer to honest.)

Other scavenger birds know their place and have the decency to embrace their inner ugliness by showing outer ugliness. Even a pigeon seems to acknowledge his status, with his tiny head and weirdo eyes.

But no, not the sea gull. He has to say "Ooo, look how nicely I glide through the air like I'm floating. Look how my white and gray feathers match your J Crew summer dress." Then they pick apart your sandwich when you go to the bar for a refill and leave warm steaming pile of avian doody on your table. Jerks!

Also is it just me or do they try to look a little like eagles? Eagles, as in our national bird. Totally unpatriotic! Good thing for them Bush never caught on to that while he was President or they would all be in a "sanctuary" somewhere with clipped wings and weekly milk-boardings*.

Poem to seagulls:

Your cawing is annoying
Your eyes are untrusting.
When you eat roadkill,
I find that disgusting.

* Seagulls can have their heads under water but I'm guessing they won't be so fond of a face full of cow juice.