The Quatrain's Caboose

Today's word is penchant, a noun meaning inclination, decided taste, or a strong liking.

I have a strong penchant to avoid certain kinds of poetry on this site.  Namely, the hard poetry.  I love haiku and will certainly revisit it in the future.  During the haiku month I learned how to control cadence and syllables.  I liked quatrain because I improved my rhyming skills.  Clerihew kept it funny and acrostics and cinquains kept me restricted to a specific setup.  So for next month's poetry I am going to take on the impossible and combine all of these "skills" for a serious challenge.  Stay tuned!

My penchant is for haiku
Or possibly a quatrain or two
But with poetry more complex
My penchant is to just say "next!"

Rapacious Scavenger

Today's word is rapacious which is an adjective meaning given to plunder; seizing by force.

In a earlier post I shared with you the possibility that my house is frequented by mice.  Well I know for a fact there is a neighborhood possum around.  I know this because I have seen him.  He hangs out on the top of my fence under only the slightest cover of naked tree branches.  He will climb up there and draw the attention of my barking dog and then just sit there staring unapologetically.   

I know this because I have seen him there and he was completely undeterred by me outing him with my flashlight or by the very large branch I threw at him.  Didn't flinch a bit.  I know he is still there because the other night I went to take out the trash and there he was, hovering above me only six feet away.  Completely unaffected.  So creepy!

Our neighborhood possum is rapacious
Living off of household waste
If he wasn't so creepy and pugnacious
I might openly question his taste.

Friday Verboten

Today's word is verboten, an adjective meaning forbidden as by law, or prohibited.

This is actually something that I was thinking about a few weeks ago, but it is very difficult to rhyme the word verboten.  This message is personal so I am not going to mention any names, but if you are reading this, B.F., you know who you are.

I guess changing teams is no longer verboten.
So you have become a Minnesotan.
But you totally lost me as a backer
When you ceased to retire after being a Packer.

Decapitation Machination

La palabra del dia es* machination, a noun which means the act of plotting or a cunning design or plot intended to accomplish some usually evil end.

I have two favorite villains of all times, both women.  The first is Cruella de Ville who is one PETA hating fashionista.  She recklessly drives a fabulous car an sports the latest in Dalmatian fur while smoking through an elegant cigarette holder.  And there is a song about her which sums it all up: "Cruella de Ville, Cruella de Ville.  If she doesn't scare you no evil thing will."

The second is the Queen of Hearts.  That beyotch is crazy.  But what sane person, once or twice in her life, doesn't think "off with your head" and mean it on some level.  That admirable lady is a force and an inspiration.  If she wasn't ordering someone to sharpen the guillotine, she was plotting a kangaroo court or the re-coloring of the roses.  I'll bet she would support building a fence along the Mexican border.  That just seems like her kind of thing.   

Alice's curiosity overpowers her smarts
When she is threatened with decapitation 
By the fiercest of villains, the Queen of Hearts
And her macabre machinations.

* Bienvenido a Spanish lessons.  Seriously, I got tired of writing "the word of the day is" so I tried for some variation.

Dancing To The Beat of Your Own Panjandrum

Today's word is panjandrum which is a noun meaning an important personage or pretentious official.

Is this totally different from my recent use of grand poobah?  I think not. In my book grand poobah is far more descriptive.  Additionally it is notable for originating from the musical The Mikado which is a delightful production in which I was once forcibly cast. I say forcibly since I was cast as Yum Yum, one of three female leads, when at the time there were only three girls in my whole class.

But we looked adorable in kimonos and obis.

Here is a quote from the dramatist Samuel Foote (graduate of Oxford University) using today's word:

So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage-leaf to make an apple-pie; and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street, pops its head into the shop. "What! No soap?" So he died, and she very imprudently married the barber: and there were present the Picninnies, and the Joblillies, and the Garyulies, and the grand panjandrum himself, with the little round button at top, and they all fell to playing the game of catch-as-catch-can till the gunpowder ran out at the heels of their boots.

When I first read that quote I thought it was a total load of worthless balderdash* but then I researched it a little more and found out this: good ole Foote came up with that gem when some pompous dude named Charles Macklin said he could memorize anything.  So...me thinks someone got served!

Macklin fancied himself a panjandrum
With memorization as his niche.
But challenges he shied away from
And Foote made Macklin his bitch.

* Please, do be totally impressed by my vocabulary.  But I learned this word while starring in our middle school production of The Phantom Toolbooth.  It was one of my few one-word lines.  And it seems a bit more difficult to be impressed by a kid in black leotard whose missing front tooth makes her lisp on the single line "Baldersa-th."

Evince-dentaly

Today's word is evince which is a verb meaning to show in a clear manner; to manifest; to make evident; to bring to light.

Hmmm...It seems as though this word has the same thing as evidence. For example, she evidenced her confusion by writing a short blog entry.  Well, I guess shorter is better (five foot two in the hoooouuusee!)

So here goes:

Her shortcomings were evinced
Pulling books in the library of the law school
It has been quite a while since
She had to pull out the rolling step stool.

Delegation!

Plenipotentiary (adjective): Containing or conferring full power; invested with full power or (noun) A person invested with full power to transact any business.

What?  How did I not know this word before.  If there is one thing I enjoy...well it is combining two words together to make a new word (ex. poetry + blogging = plogging.)  But if there is a second thing I care to emply to the extent of its use it is words that make delegating tasks seem honorable (Ex: you are the grand poobah of vacuuming.  Congrats!)

I highly suggest at some point today to make a plenipotentiary delegation of your least favorite task.  I think the recipient of this honor may very well be impressed with your confidence in him or her.*

You feel you have been slighted
But it is quite to the contrary
Instead you have been invited
To be my foot rubbing plenipotentiary.

* The writer of this plog is not responsible for anyone getting punched in the face of other body part.  Use this advice at your own peril.  You are the plenipotentiary of your actions and are thereby responsible for their consequences, you honorable fellow you!

Rodent Signs are Tangible = Sanity is Frangible

Today's word is frangible (adjective): Capable of being broken; brittle; fragile; easily broken.

If you know anything about me, you should know that I am terrified of mice. You're probably thinking "hey, me too.  Mice are gross." NO!  I mean they really scare the bejezus out of me.  Abnormally.  You just dislike them in the usual way.  I'll bet you don't want a velvet portrait hanging in your rumpus room depicting mice playing poker.  And I'm guessing you think that friend who has them is pets is of questionable sociability.  That is normal.

But that is not what I'm talking about.  I'll bet the movie about the charming rodent cook Ratatouille didn't give you nightmares.  [He was touching the food for Christ sake!]  And I'll bet you never laid in bed crying all night after they chased you around your apartment and on to your coffee table where you languished nervously until your roommate finally came home.  And most of all I'll bet a very large one (the kind that rhymes with flat or scat) did not fall on you from above in your very narrow garage.  I mean he was on a kamikaze mission probably trying to kill me with the plague or fleas or one of the many other scourges they carry.

Just writing this post I had to get up once to relax.

The worst part of them is when you don't know for sure they are there.  Rodents are sneaky little bastards.  They sneak around when you are there and make you question if you have paranoia, hearing loss, or an overactive imagination.

So what I'm saying is I may or may not have mice.

My frangible rodent-free make believe world
Just a few little red flags and it starts to unfurl.
Dog at my feet but is that her food that I hear?
Find a kibble outside my bedroom and choke back the tears.

Veritable Likeness of Writing

Veritable (adjective) Agreeable to truth or to fact; actual; real; true; genuine.

Veritable is one of those words that people ruined.  Which is kind of a ridiculous statement because words have no meaning if not used by people so I guess if anyone has the right to screw them up, it's us.

But some words, like veritable, are so overused that they really don't mean anything anymore.  For example the word "like."  It is used, like, a million times a day like a crutch and I'm not really sure if I like having to consider the context to decide if it is used like prose or like a filler.

Or "very."  I have professor with a bee in his bonnet about this word which apparently used to mean something quite different from "a lot."  And even today it can be on two ends of the spectrum of extreme-ness; either I am very bored of this post (meaning incredibly bored), or the very thought of finishing reading makes me sleepy (meaning just the slightest thought.)

I try to write crap-free, but then again I'm not like, very professional.

When writing meaningful prose
You pull literary gold from your cache
But avoid your writing lows
By omitting words that are veritable trash.

Elections And Deselections

Today I am plogging using the word prevaricate (verb) which means to depart from or evade the truth, or to speak with equivocation.

I think this is a great word, particularly in the context of politics.  I love it because old Noah Webster* doesn't split hairs, he just goes ahead and says speaking with "equivocation" is the same as lying. In other words just because there is an alternate meaning to what you said doesn't mean what you meant isn't a big fat lie. 

If more people felt this way, maybe we would have a greater accountability in politics.  If you see a politician doing something BS-y, then make a note of his name.  Literally, write it down and put it in you wallet.  And next time you are in the voters' booth pull that slip of paper out of you wallet and check it against your ballot.  Don't put up with that crap, you are too good for it and so is our country.

In your attempt to communicate
You are still but idling your motors
With empty words you prevaricate
And pander to the voters.


* Yes, I know his is probably not the editor of dictionary.com but that is who I am picturing so stop editing visions in my head.  [Jerk.]

Not Just A Bibelot

Today's word is Bibelot (noun) meaning a small decorative object without practical utility, or a trinket.

Well folks it is time for me to climb back on the soap box.

Why are so many people giving up dogs right now?  I guess I see the reasoning for having to give up dogs that require a lot of veterinary care or dogs that, in order to keep, you would have to pay for a move.  Some people are losing their jobs and have families to feed.  But, really, dogs can eat table scraps and really cheap stuff.  And no matter how bad the economy gets that dog is always going to look up to you and love you.  He or she doesn't care if you got laid off or if you spent all day on the couch in your PJs (trust me I know) but only if you can spare one, free pat on the head and a ear scratch.

In a time when everything else  maybe going down the toilet for you, those eyes are always going to look up to you with love and admiration.  So when you are prioritizing the costs in your life, keep in mind what you could be getting out of that pet instead of your fancy car or that extra piece of clothing a month.  The benefit to you is far larger than the cost.

And for those people who already own pets and are nervous for the responsibility that carries, remember that pets are not things to be thrown away or given up to lighten the load.  If you are being a pet owner in the right way, your pet will be a comfort and not a burden.

Eyes yearning for your attention
Human shortcomings pass without mention
Never requiring a quid pro quo
A pet is not a bibelot.

Lacuna Matata

Lacuna (noun) which means a blank space, a missing part, or a gap.

Well it's that time again folks, I am going in for my monthly root canal next week.

Seriously though, I have more root canals than [some funny word play on root canals].  What? I'm way too annoyed to think of a pun right now.  I mean this is ridic.  I asked the endodontist if I was doing anything wrong but apparently I just have bad teeth.  I think this is due in part to my parents and their dental genetics.  If they weren't such effing awesome parents otherwise, I might gripe.  But instead I will just have to get drilled more times than Jenna Jameson.  [I'm back!]

Lacuna in my dental hygiene routine?
But I always keep my teeth pretty clean.
Most people frequent dentists to fix aesthetics
But I have to countervail my bad genetics.

Perambulation Procrastination

Perambulate (verb) meaning to walk about, to stroll, to roam or to travel over for the purpose of surveying or inspecting.

Why is it that committing to physical activity is so difficult?  I am no cheater (I pay taxes, I play fair poker, I have never been on the show Cheaters) but I CAN NOT commit to just a simple walk around the block every day.  And frankly I could use it.  And so could the dog.  Even Ricky Gervais does it, while talking on the phone.  And even that is funny when he is doing it.

Suggestions?

Why cannot I not commit to a date
To begin nightly breaks to perambulate?
Making myself almost irate
In an effort to lose just a bit of weight.

According to Archer

Accord (noun): to be in agreement or harmony or (transitive verb): to cause to conform or agree; bring into harmony.

I think we can all agree that this world is missing an adult comedic cartoon about a spoiled but well trained spy working for his mom.  Good news everyone!  You should immediately add Archer to your DVR timers.  Go ahead, I'll wait.

[Sound of Muzak, possibly The Greatest Love of All.]


On you're not convinced yet?  It is a cartoon with voices of Aisha Tyler (Friends, 24, CSI), Chris Parnell (SNL and 30 Rock's Dr. Spaceman) and Jessica Walters (Arrested Development much?)  Also check out these quotes I personally selected for your reading pleasure:

"So will I learn karate?"
"Karate?  The Dane Cook of martial arts? No, ISIS agents use Krav Maga."
"Krav...?"
"We have an ex-Mossad agent, he comes in on Thursdays.  Tuesdays he does a really rigorous spin class."

 And my personal favorite:

"Ironic isn't it?"
"I'm not sure that's technically irony."
"Whaaat?  This is like O. Henry and Alanis Morissette had a baby and named it this exact situation!"

And then later,

"Oh, and Archer, how's this for ironic?"
"Well, you know what?  I don't have a one to some-other-number of douche bag scale. So, six?"

Just try it once, you'll be hooked.

When you work with your ex and your mom 
It can be hard to reach an accord.
But Archer knows how to keep his calm
One episode - you'll be on board.

Apposit(iv)e View on Things

Word of the day is apposite which is an adjective describing things that act against each other with equal force, power, or effect; to counteract.

Isn't the very similar to yesterday's word?  I agree.

So maybe today I will focus on the awesome part of yesterday's countervailing forces: Jen and David's wedding.  Let me break it down for you: first, if you were there, enough said.  However, if you were not there, then you should follow these instructions:

1. Stand with your hands over your head and joined at the palms.
2. Pick up one foot, and place it on the knee of the opposite leg.
3. Take a deep breath and clear your mind.
4. Then reach that raised foot back and kick yourself in the butt because you missed one good party.

I could tell you about it here but I try to keep this blog PG rated (and totally elitist) so suffice it to say five of these six things happened.

- The bride and groom danced as though they were jumping rope.
- Late night cookies and milk were served.
- Possible further familial romances were strengthened.
- Someone was cured of chronic back pain.
- Some guy danced with choreography using another man's tie.
- Tiger Woods hit on a cocktail waitress.

Ok at least five of those things happened, perhaps more.  So now all that is left is for Jen and David to live a long, happy life together learning how to compromise on all of life's decisions.*

Marriage, it's a positive arrangement
When apposite forces don't focus on who is "wronger"
But instead they avoid estrangement
And use the differences to make the union stronger.

* Except living north of 635 - not cool!