Poem Ideas Needed!

Dear readers (or possibly reader): Please help me. I need some good suggestions for poem types for the coming months. I am running out of ideas.

I am looking for a format that allows for some creativity and isn't too long.

Thanks a million!

Poems

Please submit ideas
Of poems types to quash my creative dysfunction.
End my current brain freeze before it grows to blog
Malfunction.

Davids

I sincerely mean no disrespect to my future brother-in-law but in all fairness he has the sixth most common boy's name in the US. (My other bro-in-law has the third most common name.)

Anyway, I have met freakin' seventeen Davids lately. The bro-in-law is awesome, but some of these Davids are not my favorite people. Somehow it seems incongruous one of the most famous Davids, the one who fought Goliath, was an underdog and some of these guys are just bullies. Or maybe what irks me is the dearth of nickname choices ("Dave" has been tainted by Dave Thomas of Wendy's fame. Even the name Dave Matthews recalls a flash of an old rotund guy.)

Perhaps this rant stems from being the only child of three with an uncommon name. Or perhaps that one David who is has been bullying me lately is prejudicing me.

Anyway my favorite David gets a special nickname - BIL which stands for Brother-in-law. It seems more fitting.

David

Didn't
Attempt to brainstorm an unusual name.
Vacant of fresh
Ideas, another
David he became.

Maya Angelou is Ok

So apparently TMZ, the ridiculous teen-gossip empire, erroneously reported that Maya Angelou had become ill and was taken to the hospital.

Once this story was posted (and I use "story" in the Aesop/lying 7-year-old/false alibi sense) she became the number one Twitter trend.* Some people even added a premature "RIP" to the end of their tweets. The misinformation spurred dozens of friends to call her from around the world to check on her, only to find that she was perfectly well and at a planned speaking engagement.

This whole incident reminded me of something personal. Not too long ago a friend asked me a very important detail about our mutual friend's illness. I did not remember the specifics to relay so I gave a very vague update, apologized, and then the conversation moved along. Ten minutes later were were talking about celebrity gossip in stunning detail.

Later that night I was really and truly ashamed that I know the intricacies of the lives of all the reality TV "stars" on the E! network but not important things about those people who love and support me. Why would inane details about famous some stranger be more interesting or important than real life events happening at arm's reach?

I was watching the E! network again today and there was a scrolling news ticker across the bottom of the screen reporting why Miley Cyrus was discontinuing her use of Twitter. Why do people consume this crap? (Myself included.) Of similar newsworthiness is this story: My pocket lint - decreasing in size with each wash!

Angelou joked with the (real) news outlets, saying that news of her sickness was greatly exaggerated. And with that paraphrase of Mark Twain (who after reports of his demise said something like "Stories of my death are greatly exaggerated") she reminded us how to communicate artfully.

In that vein, I will try to occupy myself more with why the caged bird sings and less with why the staged word clings.

TMZ poem

Telling us celebrity news as
Melodramatically as it pleases.
Zealously scooping real news outlets in stories of fake diseases.

* I don't know exactly what a Twitter trend is, but I can only assume it is the most current ridiculous thing people are tweeting about. For more on my thoughts about Twitter, feel free to read my recent post about it.

Baby H

What a great thing, when a baby is loved so much before he or she is ever conceived. I am so excited for Baby H to come along!

It is so cool to think that he is going to know so many things that are beyond our imaginations today. And at this moment, he could literally be anything. Heck, there was even a guy who had a baby a while ago. Not that I am supporting that particular path, but it just goes to show that everyday things continually becoming possible beyond our wildest imaginations.

Baby*

Before you even existed, you were totally
Adored.
Be sure to learn care and love from your parents before
You mentally "cut the cord."

* Particularly for Baby H.

Obama

Ok so I am sure everyone is going to be talking about this today but I am not sure what the motivation for this Obama Nobel Peace Prize was. Are they trying to tell Obama that he is expected to accomplish great things? Or do they really believe what he has already accomplished was worthy of the Peace Prize?
I guess I hope the award was to inspire him to do something. Apparently the nomination deadline was 12 days into his presidency. That is pretty clearly not enough time for him to have made enough change to compete with other nominees who have dedicated their lives to creating peace. So this means that the committee is really trying to tell him that he better start doing something good for world relations?
I don't know, I think they secretly are just awarding him for not being Bush and that is the biggest waste of a Nobel Peace Prize I have ever heard of. Not that I liked Bush (or respected him) but for Pete's sake when can we MOVE ON? I have never been on a selection committee like this, but I just don't get it.
Obama
Only by virtue of not
Being someone else
Ain't a reason for Nobel
Medals to be
Added to your shelf

Judges

In my time working at the DA's office I have had exposure to a lot of great practical happenings. And to be fair I am coming at most issues from a prosecutor's point of view. But some judges don't seem to be as concerned about the law as others. And if judges aren't concerned with what the current law is then it sure is a waste of time learning it.

My dad always says that there are two kinds of judges, follow-the-law judges and do-right judges, and that it didn't matter which they were as long as they stuck with it and judged that way equally for everyone. I think he is absolutely right, except that do-right judges should be bound by what options are available to them not outside the law.

The law shouldn't be entirely up to the judge, he or she should consider that a general sense of justice might not be exactly in line with personal feelings inclinations.

Judge

Justice administered
Under a system mostly perfected
Do research before
Giving your verdict. That's why you were
Elected.

Geico-mmercials

Ok, has anyone seen the new Geico commercials with the talking inanimate objects that damage cars? Freakin' hilarious! My favorite may be the pothole, though the tree branch is pretty funny too. Also check out the fender bender and the married pipes.

Kudos to Geico for sometimes being more entertaining than the actual show I am watching.

Geico

Get your funny on!
Even I have advertisement-watching endurance.
In cases where the
Commercials make good
One-liners of insurance.

Expungement - It's a Funny Word

Mel Gibson had the record expunged yesterday for the his DWI back in 2005.

I just think that is hilarious because everyone in the world still knows about what he said and no legal decision is going to effect anyone's memory. In fact the only thing that will effect people's memories is time passed without hearing about it. So as far as reputation goes, reminding everyone about his crazy ramblings is one of the worst things he could do.

The main reason that you would get something expunged is so it is not on your record for criminal back ground searches or for future violations. Well, we all know it doesn't take a background check to be aware of this total train wreck so I guess he is planning on some more drunk driving. Can't wait to hear who he will blame it on next.

Mel
Mistakes you made
Exclamations in haste.
Legal expungement does not mean they're erased.

Dave

I can think of a top ten list: things you should avoid when your job consists entirely of making fun of famous people. Wanna know number 4? Sleep with women who work under you. (Yes I just teed up a thousand inappropriate jokes with the working "under" someone.)

Luckily for Dave Letterman, our last president spent every day of the last 8 years lowering the bar on expectations for well-known people. And the president before that made having "sexual relations" with subordinates seem like a job perk.

So basically it doesn't seem like such a big deal. But I wrote about it anyway.

Dave

Don't canoodle
And fraternize with women
Very junior at work.
Everyone may find out and think that you're a huge jerk.

February Jones

So on Mad Men, Don Draper's wife is named Betty and I'll be gosh darned if I wasn't watching a love scene between them last night and thinking that the actress, January Jones, has the best job in the world. Possibly the universe. If I were her, I would "accidentally" ruin most of the takes of the love scenes. Then you would just have to keep reshooting them. Just sayin'.

Anyway, that led me to think that if I were her, well, first I would be February Jones since I was born in the short month of Feb. But then secondly that I would be thinking something like this...

January

Jon Hamm
Acting as my man
Never stop shooting the love scenes if I can.
Under duress, I confess
Awareness of the jealousy you possess.
Red-faced by the impropriety
You'll never know I fake the love scene anxiety.

Oooo Blake

Last night I went to the cattle baron's ball with my friend Blake. Pretty much anyone reading this blog will have met him, so I need not say much more.

Blake

Buying and selling real estate
Loving his job though this market is not great
And as far as pets
Keep them away
Even if they just want to be petted or play.

Prego Jess

My poor friend Jessica (AKA Jess) was having the worst day Friday and had to miss out on dinner because she, in her full pregnant glory did this: twisted her ankle, tripped and fell, ripped her maternity scrubs (which she wears to work) and broke a bottle of wine. It was not her day. I hope they have been better since.

Luckily she is fine, probably due to the super fast reactions she developed while playing basketball in college.

Jess
Just nimble and athletic
Enough
Saving herself from falling but not from dropping
Stuff.

Mollie

My sister is hilarious.  Funnier than I am, and I say that begrudgingly and with a huge eye roll because of all things I like to be, funny is up there.  At the top.  So when I say she is funnier than I am, take that for the huge compliment that it is.

Luckily for me, she doesn't go out much so there is still hope that those unexposed will still think I am the funniest.

Mollie
Mostly skipping out
On social events.
Loves to talk about her vices
Like they're all past tense.
If she doesn't crack you up then you have no
Effing sense.

Mom

Anyone who knows my mom is aware that her picture could be in the dictionary next to a selection of very flattering words (caring, kind, loving, humble ... to name a few).  What you may not know is that when you leave her house while hungry, you are quietly killing her soul.

MOM 

Mostly unlauded, which is really quite rude
Over soft objections
Making me food.

Happy Blog-tober and a Welcome to....Name Poems!!

Ok so I have decided that I am doing name poems for October.  The rules will be something like this:

1. The poem has to be about someone or something.
2. Each line with start with a (consecutive) letter from the name of above (intentionally vague) subject.
3. I may throw in some rhyming, if the mood strikes me.

On that note, here is my attempt at October:

October

Only doing this late the night before.

Couldn't come up with anything more.

This doesn't bode well

O'er the rest of this theme,

But I had to work without ideas from the team
Everyone who feels this is complaint-worthy

Remember, please, that this blog is free.

Alternative last line for pirates:
Rejoice in this: you don't have scurvy.