CSI: Miami

Ok stop snickering.  Yea, I watch CSI Miami.  I would be more embarrassed but odds are that one of the three people who read this blog watch it too.  It is fabulously ridiculous and I embrace it.  Here are my top 5 favorite things about this show.

5. Colorful cameras. Whatever video equipment they use to film episodes makes it look like everyone is getting a good tan just by standing there. The colors are exaggerated, overly pastel, and barely this side of outrageous. Just like real Miami.

4.Ugly people. There aren't any at all, except for your occasional hired mercenary killer but even he has unusually nice skin.

3.Swift Justice. Most of the cases are solved in about 24 hours. The only other place were justice is doled out so swiftly is in Judge Judy's court. It is incredible that DNA results, interviews, trace tests, background checks, etc etc can be finished in one day. My favorite part is when they bring in someone, interview them, do some tests, and bring that same person back. Did they not JUST leave seventeen minutes ago on your schedule? Cause according to the camera work it is still just after lunch on a sunny day.

2.Fake Science. Oh, you can tell by someone's sweat his name, address, what kind of car he drives, and preferred pastel color shirt.  That is incredible.  How annoying does this crap make real crime scene investigators who have an eleven month backup to determine if that is human or animal blood at the triple homicide scene?  I don't know for a fact but I've got my money on pretty peeved.

1. Lieutenant.  Horatio. Caine.  I used to be so annoyed that the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders coreographed hair flips into their routine (that's not dancing!) but after a while of watching it you kind of had to respect how they used the flip and swoop.  Horatio Caine is the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader of glasses-acting.  I have never seen an actor so successfully substitute a simple prop for acted emotions. Exhibit A.

Ok, I've run an optical test on you based on the newest technology that says rapid eye movement in the fifteenth quadrant indicates boredom so I will wrap this up now.  [How great would it be create fake science to support everything you say!?!]

CSI: Miami
Technical.  Exact.
Measuring, whispering, story-telling.
Beautiful people, beautiful clothes
Science-fiction